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By: Amber Thompson
I’m still trying to find nice things to say about last night’s season finale, because I do genuinely enjoy the show. I’m coming up short, and believe what you will but normally I’m a positive person.
Alcide continues to follow Sookie around looking pitiful, and she continues to drop cutesy little hints that if he keeps it up long enough she may just let him in the cookie jar.
Bill and the vampires he saved from the White Room all go back to the Compton Manor to party it up, EXCEPT: Where the fuck are all these extra, never-before-seen vampires coming from? It was my understanding that only a select few characters knew the TruBlood was contaminated with Hep V, and were therefore sent to the room, and so they would be the only ones Bill had to feed? And he wouldn’t be able to save any of the already infected ones, because they made that pretty clear with Nora. More importantly, we KNOW they are high and thrilled and basking in sunlight. We don’t need sixteen extra, pointless vampires to make that point.
Violet and Jason, oh god. Where are the bears? ARE THE BEARS COMING?
Sookie warns Jason that it’s stupid to love a vampire because they really can’t be trusted, and Bill seems to overhear her, looking all melancholy and shit. Sookie then prances off to see Warlow.
A second thing that REALLY bothered me about this episode: Warlow. Warlow was, initially, a scary badass shrouded in an air of mystery. He then pretended to be yet another ardent admirer of the mysteriously appealing Sookie Stackhouse, only to end up…a dude with a domestic violence problem? In the end he wasn’t even evil, just pathetic! Why was Warlow even a thing, if this is how it was going to go?
Meanwhile Jason and Bill and the gang form a rescue squad, asking Andy for help from his faerie daughter, which he very reluctantly gives. Violet tags along. Bears do not appear.
Bill, a two hundred plus vampire, fights Warlow, an ancient hybrid. Bill does well enough that everyone escapes with Sookie and then he jumps on Warlow’s leg as he leaves the faerie plane so as not to be left behind and royally fucked.
Warlow follows them to Sookie’s place, and throws everyone in what I recall to be Eric’s very sexy underground chamber, and traps Sookie in the bathroom (she was revived by Violet). Uncle Niall breaks through the weird, glowing portal just as Warlow is about to munch on Sookie again, and manages to trap his arms long enough for Jason to stake him. BOOM. Warlow is dead, and I’m sure everyone felt as grateful as I because by then he seemed like an entire waste of plot line.
Warlow dies and all the sun-loving vampires glimmer and appear to lose their faerie upgrade. Eric is nude (thank you to whoever made that executive decision) but on top of a very bright, snowy mountain in Sweden where he promptly bursts into flame. Now then, I don’t believe Eric is going to die. He has too much draw on the show. I think he will melt down into the snow until he’s deep enough to be a sheltered popsicle until Pam finds and rescues him.
Then, what the fuck, it’s SIX MONTHS LATER. Sookie are Alcide are an item, Bill is on TV, Sam is the mayor (oh please, really?) and Arlene has used the life insurance policy to buy the bar – the only believable portion of the time has passed, things have changed parade.
Everyone goes to church where Sam the mayor suggests that there are a lot of hungry, roaming vampires due to the Hep V outbreak and they all need adequate protection – so they should befriend a vampire and feed them for their own safety. The churchgoers are not impressed.
Later everyone is partying it up at Arlene’s bar, Lettie Mae, in one of the creepiest scenes so far, approaches Tara and begs to “feed her.” Tara, apparently unable to learn, believes that Lettie Mae’s apology is (for the first time ever) sincere, and not some last-ditch effort to save her own ass. Can I just add that if I were a vampire my own mother would be the LAST person I would want to feed on, based on…well, everything? Anyway.
The single scene I enjoyed out of this entire episode was Jessica’s appeal to Andy. She goes to his home, clearly feeling terrible about accidentally slaughtering his other three kids, and tells him that whether he wants it or not he has her protection from the coming vampires. He slams the door in her face, but she stays outside anyway. This was the one genuine, touching scene from the finale. Go, Jessica! Way to keep it watchable.
Meanwhile Sookie and Alcide are on their way out when Bill stops them and requests to talk to Sookie. Alcide, who is smarter than Tara, tells him to go to hell. Bill basically says Sookie needs protection (What? Why? Because she’s a girl in a dress? Are they forgetting she has faerie blasting power?) and he should be the one to give it. He and Alcide get into a pissing match which is interrupted by the arrival of a LARGE group of starving, sick vampires.
All I can say is, there better be a lot of making up for that episode next season. And how about fewer inconsistencies, writers? That would be awesome.