American Horror Story-Coven: Bitchcraft (S3:E1)

By:  Victoria Lizaire

Wow.  Seriously, wtf did I just watch?  It was disgusting, degrading, horrifying, traumatic, sadistic, creepy, and on and on and on.  Is it sick that that’s why I love this show?  Definitely confused with Ryan Murphy’s “this season will be lighter” comments.  That was a pretty f-d up episode!

With each season of American Horror Story, this season included, I always feel you shouldn’t base your opinion on that season’s premiere episode.   I always like the first episode, but if you want to understand the obsession with this show, you have to keep watching, because no one would ever understand just by watching the premiere.

With that being said, this season’s premiere episode was much more organized that the previous two.  It was pretty straight forward and set up a lot of stories that will be playing out through the season.

So let’s talk about the episode.  Don’t forget to read the superlatives at the end!

It starts out with Madame Lalaurie (editor’s note:  an actual historical figure! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delphine_LaLaurie)  introducing her three daughters to three ugly ass men at her dinner party.  I’m not sure if she’s trying to marry them off or what, but she doesn’t seem to be proud of her daughter Pauline, and later on slaps the shit out of her for spreading her filthy legs for the houseman (Marie Laveau’s lover).  Before the slap down she gave Pauline though, she gave herself a bloody facial with a blush brush.  

Try saying bloody blush brush five times fast.  Anyways, she’s bitching about how the blood ain’t fresh when her husband (?) comes into the room to tell her something happened during the party.  And then we get to see the real Madame Lalaurie.  After the slap down, she brings her daughter’s “houseman” (named Bastian), who she compared to a family dog, down into her torture chambers.  Locked up in wooden cages are quite a few black men, one having his mouth sewn up, another’s face filleted.  She chains Bastian up and decides to turn him into her very own Minotaur.  A young boy about 9 or 10 years old brings in the bulls head which has had it’s insides carved out, and places it over Bastian’s head.  She explains how she has always had a fascination of the Minotaur.

We then meet Zoe.  Zoe is ready to lost her virginity but her boyfriend thinks it sucks being someone’s first.  He doesn’t want to hurt her.  Umm foreshadow much.  Or not, considering right after he says this, he seems to have some sort of seizure and he dies.  As Zoe puts it, the official cause of death was a brain aneurism, but the doctor’s have never seen anything like it.  Of course they haven’t.  Who would think that a woman’s power would be to kill any man she has sex with.  And boy does this come in handy for her later in the episode.  So her mom tells her she is a witch.  Not everyone in the family gets the gene cause you know Zoe’s cousin Amanda didn’t get it.  She was just bulimic…Love the writing on this show.  Anyways, after being dragged out of her house by the Men In Black, she takes a train to New Orleans, where her parents sent her to go to a school for girls like her.  Escorting her are the Men In Black and Myrtle Snow (Francis Conroy), who appears to be friendly with Zoe’s parents.  After arriving at the school, and ringing the bell, Myrtle Snow and the Men In Back disappear.  Zoe walks in, gets punked by the three other witches who attend the school, Nan, Madison and Queenie.  They pretend to attack her with a knife, all decked out in these beak like masks

……but they were just joking.  Cause that’s how they get their kicks.  Must be boring up in that Academy.  Anyways, headmistress Cordelia Fox shows up and leads Zoe up to her room, with the butler, Spalding (Denis O’Hare!!), following with Zoe’s suitcase.  

Cordelia gives her a history lesson on the home/academy, explaining that in 1790 it was opened as a premiere girls finishing school, and the during the Civil War it was converted into a military hospital, and then ultimately came under witch management by the original supreme.  The school once held up to 60 girls at one time, but those numbers slowly went down, as witches did not choose to procreate.  She explains that the all witches have their own individual power, but the Supreme, well she is the head witch in charge.  She has all their powers.  She goes on to warn them that just as recently as a few months back, a woman by the name of Misty Day was burned for being a witch.  

Misty had/has the power of resurgence.  She is a necromancer.  She brought a bird back to life, and a nosy woman saw her, and that’s how she was found out.  I already love Misty Day just because I love Lily Rabe, but in defense of the nosy woman, Misty did do it right in front of a bunch of people.  Wasn’t very smart of her.  But she did let those who burned her and those who watched know “It’s you that will end up in flames, I swear it.”  She is definitely not dead.  She can’t be!  If she is a necromancer, she is going to come back, and I hope it’s next episode.

We then finally meet Fiona Goode, the Supreme, the head witch in charge, who is obsessed with vitality.  

She has a visit with a researcher, David, who is experimenting with a drug called RM47, which basically restores one’s youth.  She tells him she wants it, but it won’t be available for 2 years.  Well that’s not good enough for her, she wants it in a half hour.  Turns out, her late husband funded David’s research and she threatens to unfund him.  Next thing we know, she is high as a kite on cocaine in her home, dancing in her altered state, staring at her reflection crying and pulling her hair… She goes through all sorts of emotions.  She sees the news of Misty Day’s burning, as David arrives.  David felt like it was okay to leave his daughter’s violin recital to go argue with Fiona a little bit more.  We then learn that David did give her the RM47.  She has been taking it for five days and it’s not doing anything and she is pissed and desperate for double doses.  Um, he did tell you that it wouldn’t be ready for 2 years..Give the guy a break.. Instead she reveals her powers, locking him in her home, throwing him against the wall with her mind and SUCKING THE LIFE RIGHT OUT OF HIM!  WTFF!!  That was some crazy shit. And for like five seconds she appears young and fresh faced.  5,4,3,2,1.  Back to appropriately aged Fiona.  She doesn’t like that and breaks the mirror.  Beautiful but sad scene.

The witch girls (should I just call them the coven) (Editor’s note:  Yes, totally!!)  are sitting at the table eating, which Madison gets her rocks off calling Spalding “Jeeves”.  Leave him the f alone Madison ..(Sorry I just love Denis O’Hare)…Anyways, during this dinner, we learn that Nan is clairvoyant, Madison is telekinetic and Queen is a human voodoo doll (I knew it!!).  Queenie can harm herself and transfer her pain to whomever she wishes.

In this instance, it was Madison.  Right to the wrists..Ouch.  Thank goodness Queenie didn’t cut her throat like she threatened.  And how adorable is Nan taking control and bringing Queenie out for a walk.  Love that Jamie Brewer is back!  After Nan and Queenie leave, Madison tells Zoe that she’s her new bestie.  Maddy gets a tweet about a frat party and tells Zoe her wardrobe sucks (not really but basically).

Cordelia is doing witch shit in a witch green room sort of place.  There are plants and potions everywhere.  In walks her mom, the Supreme, Fiona Goode.  It’s apparent that Cordelia does not care for her mother at all.  Probably for good reason.  She tries to give her mom a potion that would put her mom into a coma for awhile.  Fiona through it on the floor.  They bicker back and forth, Fiona telling Cordelia she is here to help her because of all that’s going on (Misty Day).  After Cordelia basically tells her mom to drop dead, Fiona actually looks hurt.  Like it hit her hard hurt.

We finally meet the young fangirls obsession, Kyle Spencer (played by Evan Peters).  

He and his frat brothers are having a pep talk before going into a frat party.  Do frat boys really act like that?  So they go into the club oops I meant frat house, which looks like a freaking club.. seriously why wouldn’t you want to go to college?  Madison and Zoe walk in, and everyone recognizes Madison.  She wanders off, looking for a drink, while Zoe looks around, amazed and mesmerized.  She’s definitely never been to a club.  Or a party.. As she stares at the ice luge, her eyes catch Kyle’s and they stare in wonder at each other..almost like they’ve seen each other before but cant remember.. in a another life maybe.. like season 1.  He follows her around offering her a drink, and she tells him it won’ work.  She looks for Madison, and Kyle finds her.  All roofied up, getting gang raped by his fellow frat brothers.  His homies.. Poor Madison.  

This scene was so disturbing and a girls worst nightmare.  Not only did they frat rape her, but they recorded it.  Kyle freaks out and attacks the ring leader.  They end up back in the party bus, where they kick the bus driver off the bus and drive off.  As this is all happening, Zoe finds Madison, then leaves her in the bed, covering her with a blanket, to go not let them get away with this.  That’s real nice of you and all Zoe, but is it so smart to leave Madison right where she was just gang raped, still roofied out of her mind, not knowing where the frat boys all went to?  They pull off right as Zoe comes out, and somehow Madison found her strength and sobered up a little bit, appearing outside, where she proceeds to flip the bus over with a twirl of her finger.  Sweet sweet revenge..

The next morning, the news of the bus “accident” is on the television and the girls all see it.  In walks Fiona. She tells Madison she knows what happened and that she’s a sloppy little witch bitch (loved that).  She brings them on a field trip……..

…with plans to go to Pops Mountain, but instead get side tracked by Nan’s distraction and allure towards Madame Lalauries home.  They end up taking a tour of the home and we get some more flashbacks of the 1800′s, where we are treated to a pancreas being pulled from a man chained up (was that the minotaur because the bull head was missing) so Madame LaLaurie could continue her bloody facials.  One day, Marie Laveau, voodoo queen, appears at her doorstep, offering her a love potion that ensures fidelity.  Apparently Madame LaLauries husband has a wandering eye.  She takes it, dropping to the floor in pain.  We learn that the Minotaur is Marie Laveau’s love and she has come to enact revenge.  We then learn from the tour guide in present day that Madame LaLauries body has never been found.  But Nan knnoowwss.. She could hear ”the lady of the house”.  Buried on the property.  Alive, as we find out later when Fiona digs her up.  Freaking alive!  Turns out that fidelity potion was some sort of torturous eternal life potion.

In the wake of the aftermath of the party bus flipping, two boys survived.  Zoe pays a visit to the hospital hoping that one of the surviving boys was Kyle.  Sadly that’s not the case.  When she sees that one of the survivors is the kid who initiated the whole roofie gang/frat rape plan, she decides to take matters into her own hands and do what she now does best.  F*C* him to death.  Holy shit, karma is a bitch….and a girl’s best friend.

So what did you think?  

Episode Superlatives: 

Funniest Quotes:

“You were a sloppy little witch bitch”. –  Fiona to Madison when calling her out on the bus flipping accident.

“Do you have any clothes that don’t come from the Gap”. – Madison to Zoe after getting the tweet about the Frat party.

“When are you going to die and stop ruining my life” – Cordelia to Fiona

“This is seriously the worst field trip ever” – Madison to whoever is listening

“Come on Mary Todd Lincoln, I’ll buy you a drink”- Fiona to Madame LaLaurie after releasing her from her eternal tomb

WTF Moments:

Madame LaLauries bloody facials.. eww

Zoe’s first time.. seriously worst first time EVER

Misty Day’s Death 

Fiona sucking the life out of the researcher (see questions)

Queenie’s crazy ass self voodoo at the the dinner table

The entire frat rape scene.  Seriously traumatizing.

Zoe’s karma rape of the ringleading frat rapist.  Well deserved, but still WTF!!

Observations:

The two camera focus lens points, the first being on LaLauries daughter and Bastian (after LaLaurie is introducing her daughters to the three men) and the other at the end of the flashback to the Salem Witch Trials.  When Zoe is saying that the real witches ran, the camera focuses (and lens closes) on two witches.  Will this be important?

So there’s rumors of incest this season, and I’m not sure who or what, but did anyone notice or think anything of  Madame LaLauries comment to her husband (?) that she “used to sit on Daddy’s lap and he read me those stories”.?  She didn’t refer to him as “my daddy” she said “daddy”.  Like it was his “daddy” too.. Am I looking to into that?

When Zoe visits the hospital and walks into the room, there is a woman standing at the bed of the first patient in the room.  Then Zoe karma rapes the frat rapist.  Did that woman leave the room?  She was there and then I guess we should assume she left??

Random Thoughts

Loved the camera angles this episode, especially from inside the bull head after being placed on Bastian.

Charlie thought it was sucky being someone’s first.  Don’t most guys like that?  I’m not a guy so I dont know, but I always thought they did.

Loved the witch trial flashback!  Reminded me of the Hitler flashbacks season 2.

So I couldn’t figure out if the researcher shriveled up after getting the life sucked out of him because well he just got the life sucked out of him or has he been taking the RM47 vitality drug himself (Mother Gothel like).  Thoughts??

The witches, well at least the Supreme, can glamour!!  Don’t know what the witch term for it is yet, but they can glamour!

I know I said it in the review, but why the hell would Zoe leave Madison alone in the same bed where she was just frat/gang raped, all roofied out of her mind??  To go do what??  Seriously, was she going to go f*c* them all to death?

Nicholas Cage previously owned the home of Madame LaLaurie.  I wonder if he experienced any odd occurrences.

I think it’s safe to say that Madame LaLaurie sure likes honeysuckle.  She sucked that vial like it was a ice pop.

So after being trapped for over 179 years, Madame LaLaurie has no trouble getting out of her “tomb”.  Walks just fine, needs no help.  We all need that potion!

Questions:

Will Misty Day use her own necromancy powers to rise from the dead?  I hope so and am assuming so, since I highly doubt they only utilized Lily Rabe for one episode.

If the Supreme has all of the powers, why couldn’t she feel Madame LaLaurie’s presence underneath the ground?  I would assume that because she is the Supreme, her clairvoyance would be at a higher level than Nans.  Did I miss something?

What is Cordelia’s power?  Did I miss that part?

SPOILER question – Dont read if you don’t want to be spoiled (although I dont even know if this would be considered a spoiler since it’s pretty obvious and was touched upon in the seasons preview):  So after Zoe and Madison bring Kyle back to life, and the Frankenstein love story begins, can Zoe have sex with him without killing him because technically he is already dead?  I’m thinking yes, she can.

Grade:

B+