American Horror Story Coven - Ep. 3- The Replacements Recap

Bestiality!  Incest!  Baby Gravy!  Just when you think you’ve seen it all on American Horror Story, you get thrown a curve ball.

This controversial episode was packed with some sick make my stomach turn throw up in my mouth shit.  Just when you think one thing is going to happen, it goes in a completely different direction.  Shocking direction(s).  That’s what I love about this show.. It goes there.  Its in your face.  It’s vulgar.  It’s horrifying.  The writers push the limits of television every season, and for some it’s too much to take, for others, it is offensive.. for me..well it becomes one of my two favorite shows.   Let the insanity that is known as American Horror Story begin.

Fiona

It becomes clear this week that Fiona has always been a self absorbed take what I want killer vixen.  We learn that she basically stole the title of Supreme before it was her time, by killing the older Supreme, Anna Lee.

She slit the elder Supreme’s throat (which was witnessed by a younger more cleaned up Spaulding).  Apparently when the next Supreme starts to feel her powers grow and strengthen, the older Supreme gets weaker.  For Fiona, this memory seems to invoke a realization that this is what is now happening to her, and later in the episode her plastic surgery doctor seems to make it worse after he tells her he cannot perform any plastic surgery on her, as her blood work was alarming, showing her immune systems is on a free fall.

In a sad well written scene with Fiona speaking as a voice over, we learn about a dance.  A dance that Fiona has known since the first time she saw her reflection in her father’s eyes.  She has had plenty of suitors in her life from princes to artists to geek gods to clowns (Random!).  She always made the first move which was no move.  She just always understood that men would find themselves right in front of her.  We see her sitting at a bar, and a man appears to be walking up to her, but walks right past her to a group of younger woman.  As Fiona says in the voice over she never expected a night would come when the dance would end.

Zoe

Zoe is going through one hell of a guilt trip or something.  She appears on Kyle’s mom’s doorstep and has an afternoon chat with the pot smoking chin ringing mom, Alicia.  Alicia confides she was about to hang herself earlier.  Noose up and all.  But Zoe called just in the nick of time.  Alicia breaks down and Zoe tells her she will see him again.  This girl just cant lie can she.

Zoe shows up at Misty’s cabin in the woods.  Misty is laying next to Kyle on the bed and he looks no better aside from not being bloody.  His wounds from where the girls sewed have healed, and Misty is eager to show Zoe.  That’s some good Louisiana mud, geez.  Zoe wants to take Kyle home which Misty gets upset over.  She fed him, nursed him back to health, and she wants them to stay for dinner (she has a kitchen in there??) .   Zoe tells her some other time, as she helps Kyle move across the room.  Misty grabs him out of Zoe’s arms, telling Zoe he is staying there with her.  Tells Kyle that Zoe abandoned him.  Kyle pushes her off him and he and Zoe leave.  Zoe tells Misty she will be back for her, which Misty doubts.

Kyle

After his father left (died? Can’t remember), Kyle became the man of the house.  In every sense of the word.  After Zoe leaves him on the doorstep of his mother’s house, it is apparent that something is amiss by the creepy look he suddenly gives Zoe, as she hides behind a tree to watch the reunion.  Us viewers soon become extremely disturbed as we learn that Kyle mother has been molesting him for a long time, even through his early adulthood.   F-ing vile.  Because she “knows Kyle’s body better than anyone”, she quickly notices his body is different when she walks in on the shower her full grown is taking.

A while after his mother molests him as he is lying in bed, disabled, she tells him she never intended for the incest/molestation to go that far, but that he needed it a much as she did.  As she says this, he gets this crazy look in his eyes and stands right up.  Wait wasn’t he not able to even walk by himself earlier??  Anyways, the nasty mom rubs herself on him (can this get any grosser) and he is able to yell “NOOOO” as he grabs a trophy and bashes her face in.  Thank you Kyle.

Later Zoe walks in and finds Alicia’s body and a bloody Kyle.

Madame LaLaurie

Madame LaLaurie is in for the shock of her life as she finds out that a black man is President of the United States. 

This lady  needs to get off her racist high horse asap.  She is crying as Fiona walks in and puts her in her place, telling her that there was even a black Secretary of State, Supreme Court Justices and even a Poet Laureate.  Say it ain’t so.. She goes on to tell Madame LaLaurie that she is the new maid,  and LaLaurie tries to exhude some authority but Fiona shuts her down.

As the new maid, one of her responsibilities are to serve Madison, Nan and Queenie breakfast (lunch?).

She absolutely refuses to serve her food, throwing it on the ground.  Fiona walks in and tells Madame LaLaurie that she is now Queenie’s slave.  There is nothing that Fiona hates more than a racist.  I agree Fiona.

Queenie

Queenie is enjoying bossing her new “slave” around, and I dont blame her.  Madame LaLaurie did some despicable shit and someone needs to give her a taste.. And by all means, the taste is nothing compared to what LaLaurie did.  After making her new master Chicken Pot Pie, the Minotaur decides to pay a visit to the Madame.

LaLaurie freaks out as the Minotaur charges into the door, and begs Queenie to protect her.  Queenie has a soft hearted moment (or was it a desperate idea), and tells Madame LaLaurie to leave and she will take care of it, but wait, she has to cut LaLauries hand first (?).  Brave (desperate?) Queenie goes outside and leads the Minotaur to what looks like the area by Cordelia’s witch green room.   She understands the Minotaur, he is similar to her, they are looked at like beasts when all they want is love.  She then proceeds to pleasure herself and basically beg him to love her.  WHAAATTT????  We really don’t know if the now bull headed Bastian takes her up on that offer, since the last thing we see with these two is him/it coming up behind her and covering her mouth with his hoof.  Yes, his hand is now a hoof.  Hmmmmm..

Cordelia/Marie Laveau

Just as her mother is desperate to remain young looking, Cordelia is desperate for a baby.  But after her freaky snake sex failed, her doctor informs her that her blood work shows she cannot have a baby.  She decides to pay Marie Laveau a visit and beg her for her help.  Marie Laveau is chilling in her alligator head throne playing Solitaire as Cordelia begs her for a spell.  Laveau, knowing her Cordelia is, tells her about a spell in which she would need 2 ounces of Cordelia’s husband’s “baby gravy” in a mason jar.  As the “baby gravy” boils in a fire and rock pit, there is some voodoo dancing, pepper eating and goat killing that goes on.  This spell apparently has a 100% success rate and Cordelia jumps on the idea.  But Marie Laveau knows who Cordelia is, the daughter of her sworn enemy.  She was born into the wrong tribe.  She will not help Cordelia for any amount of money. 

Nan/Madison

There’s a new boy next door (Luke) and Nan and Madison both think he’s a cutie.  They bring him a pie and a short blue dress as a welcome to the neighborhood gift.

Nan, being clairvoyant, knew the cake would be his favorite, and he basically ignores Madison and chats it up with Nan (how adorable!). Madison is not happy that she doesnt have his attention after laying it on real thick.  His religious mom, Joan Ramsey, doesn’t take a liking to them, and gets into an altercation with Madison which includes Madison throwing a knife against the wall and using her powers to set her curtains on fire.  Joan forbids them to see her son or set foot in her house.

Joan Ramsey

Knowing that there were rumors of incest this season, as soon as we meet Joan and Luke I immediately thought those rumors were about them. I was so wrong.  Anyways, Joan pays a visit to Fiona to let her know about her altercation with Madison, and to bring her a bible.  Our uber religious new character brings a bible as a gift to any home she first steps into.  Bible thump much??  She tells Fiona that if the girls try to come by again, she would contact the police.  She can’t believe Madison set fire to the curtains.  Madison over hears and tells them she summoned the devil.

Fiona/Madison

Joan telling Fiona about the curtains being lit on fire gave Fiona the idea/assumption that Madison is the next Supreme.  They spend the day together out and about.  Fiona tests her theory by giving Madison a series of tests throughout the day, from having Madison light Fiona’s cigarette with her mind to  using mind control to make some poor guy stand in the middle of traffic like an idiot to the “dance”.  And the “dance” seems to be the confirmation for Fiona.

After a night of drinking, they return home, and Fiona tells Madison that she is the next Supreme.  She pulls a Zoe, and tells Madison she killed the old Supreme and begs Madison to kill her.  Madison won’t and as they struggle with the knife, Fiona slits Madison’s throat, in the same exact spot she killed Anna Lee.

And just like when she killed Anna Lee, Spaulding witnessed it.  But he seems to be used to it, as he hands Fiona a napkin to wipe the blood off her hands.  Fiona tells him to take care of the body.

This episode consists of everything I say to people who never watched the show.  That it’s the type of show you either love or hate.  There is no in between.  It is not for the faint of heart.  It’s insane.  It makes you wonder if Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk belong in a loony bin.  It makes you wonder if you belong in a loony bin for loving the show.  There’s nothing like this on television.  I hope we get years and years worth of seasons filled with the sick ideas from Murphy and Falchuks’ heads.

Grade:

A- (because the insanity has begun)