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by: Kyle Kettner
So, a few headlines before I recap week 8…….
Brandon Meriweather is a moron.
So Meriweather fired back at Brandon Marshall and Martellus Bennett this week after Marshall said he “thinks guys like him should be banned” and Bennett added that he “wants to punch him in the face”. Meriweather could not go quietly into the night. “He feels like I need to be kicked out of the league, I feel like people who beat their girlfriends should be kicked out of the league, too,” Meriweather said. Ouch. Nothing like attacking a guy’s personal life because you can’t make a good tackle. He followed up by saying, “I guess I just got to take people’s knees out. That’s the only way. I would hate to end a guy’s career over a rule, but I guess it’s better other people than me getting suspended for longer.” Well, no, actually. You learning how to tackle would be a better start. You learning how to wrap up instead of leading with your helmet would help. And how about you learn how to NOT knock YOURSELF out of games while you’re at it. Shut up Brandon, you worthless pile of vomit. You are by far the worst version of an NFL safety I have ever seen, and you SHOULD be banned from the league. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 24 times with 6 concussions? Fucking ridiculous.
Texans sticking with Case Keenum
Matt Schaub, meet rock bottom. A week after saying that Schaub wouldn’t lose his job to injury, Gary Kubiak all but admitted that Keenum took Schaub’s job. I don’t disagree with the move, but let’s not anoint Case Keenum an all-pro just yet. Make him do it three or four weeks before we do that. I guess the Texans realized that they have nothing to lose, as this season looks to be all but over for them. In need of a spark, Keenum gets his chance to make one.
Trade deadline Tuesday
With all the rumors of Larry Fitzgerald, Hakeem Nicks, Kenny Britt, Jared Allen, Jarius Byrd, and more possibly moving cities, I just don’t see it. I think the league would love a flurry of trades since they moved the deadline back two weeks so they can pat themselves on the back. In all honesty, Fitz will probably get moved in the offseason, but the NFL isn’t like baseball where you can take advantage of a “rental” player for half the season. With different offenses, schemes, and verbiage, it’s no surprise that trades aren’t that common. There might be something done before the deadline, (I’m writing this Monday night), but any trade other than the Titans dumping Britt for a pile of magic beans so they can rid themselves of the headache would surprise me.
And now………Week 7
No Bears game this week, so obviously no Bears recap. I’ll hit a few Bears nuggets instead.
AROUND THE NFL
Carolina – 31 Tampa Bay - 13
How bad have things gotten for Greg Schiano? He’s easily the worst coach in the NFL, and he knows he’s as good as gone after the season. He has an underachieving defense and an offense run by a rookie QB and a rookie RB. He will get what he has earned. His walking papers. Even the local radio stations are ponying up money to oust him.
As my friend Mike said Thursday night, “Carolina at Tampa, huh? I’ll take MRSA to beat them both”.
Carolina has now proven that they can beat up on crappy teams. That’s like being the smartest 30 year old in 8th grade.
Dallas – 30 Detroit – 31
Holy fuckballs. This game pissed me off to no end. Fuck you Matt Stafford. That was a damn good heads up play to get in the end zone and I hate that it was your whiny bitch-ass that made it happen. If you didn’t see it, Stafford called for a clock play on the 1, then jumped over the line instead of spiking it when he saw everyone was standing around. Dallas endured another cry-baby session from Dez Bryant on the sideline. He’s one of those guys that deserves to be slapped. Hard. With a penis. In the forehead. He’s so talented and so stupid at the same time. Disturbingly enough, Dallas still has all control in the NFC East, but that’s not saying much seeing as how it’s the urinal cake division of the NFL. On a side note, Calvin Johnson is a God among men. 329 receiving yards. That’s not a typo. THREE TWO NINE. Talk about not being able to cover a guy when everyone knows it’s coming his way. Here’s perspective…..Cecil Shorts leads the Jaguars in receiving this season with 565 yards. In 8 games. That’s an average of 70 yards per game. Johnson got 329 yards on Sunday. Well over half of Shorts’ season total.
Cleveland – 17 Kansas City - 23
I had my first correct QB prediction of the season. Campbell played ok, but not good enough to beat KC in KC. The Browns were actually in this game to the very end, which was a little surprising. I think the Browns might be regretting letting Richardson go. McGahee sucks. (more on that below) You figure the ball has to drop for KC sooner or later, right?
Miami – 17 New England - 27
The Dolphins rolled to a 14 point lead in the first half only to surrender 24 unanswered points by New England as the Patriots improved to 6-2 on the season. I think the Pats are easily one of the worse better teams in football. They always find ways to win, and that will slow down eventually. The Dolphins are so frustrating. They could be good if they could run the ball or protect their fucking quarterback. You have to feel a little bad for Tannehill.
Buffalo – 17 New Orleans - 35
This was never really a game. Saints lead 21-10 at the half, Brees threw 5 TD’s, and the Saints appear to be the team that they were before the bounty scandal. Rob Ryan has gotten this defense in line, and this is one of, if not the most, complete teams in football.
New York Giants – 15 Philadelphia - 7
Ah, so bittersweet. The Eagles endure another loss, and are forced now to go with Matt Barkley for at least one more week. My personal quest for the Eagles to go 3-13 is becoming more and more of a reality by the week. With that said, it took that sissy douche Eli to beat them, although he didn’t look particularly sharp. He got the Giants in position, for field goals. 5 of them to be exact. I guess when the Eagles couldn’t operate a remote control, more less an NFL offense, they don’t really need much more.
San Francisco – 42 Jacksonville - 10
Well this game ended up exactly how we thought. This game got so out of hand that Colt McCoy even got to throw the ball. There’s a stat that Jacksonville leads the league in, the number of times a back up QB plays against them by the coaches decision. Hahaha. I do think Gus Bradley is a good coach, he just got put into a piss-poor situation. The only way this train wreck would have been more humorous is if the Jags had signed Tebow. THAT would have been great.
New York Jets – 9 Cincinnati - 49
Andy Dalton put together his second really good performance in as many weeks, and is starting to live up to the hype. 5 TD’s and a 125 rating. Mad Marvin Beyond Gingerdome dominated the Jets this week. Marvin Jones found his favorite team to play against. 4 touchdowns. Haha. Who was covering him? I don’t care who, fire him. Now.
Pittsburgh – 18 Oakland – 21
Oakland appears to be on the incline while Pittsburgh is on the other side. Mike Tomlin should be safe as coach, but this season seems to have just mailed itself in. Terrelle Pryor is growing as a QB, we’ll see if he can make that next step to winning some bigger games.
Washington – 21 Denver – 45
Washington was actually in this game for a half. After Washington shut down Denver, they came out in the 3rd quarter and Peyton basically said, “Listen up, Bitches! Let’s start playing some ball”. Scoring 31 points in the 4th quarter will win you some games.
Atlanta – 13 Arizona – 27
What the fuck, Atlanta? You lost to a cupcake team in Arizona that looked lost for season coming in. Atlanta might have just played themselves out of the playoffs. Carson Palmer decided to channel his younger self and play decently solid.
Green Bay – 44 Minnesota – 31
There was never a doubt in this game after the first 12 seconds. Cordarrelle Patterson returned the opening kick 109 yards for a TD, but Green Bay controlled the rest of this game. Minnesota is in some serious trouble, and I can not for the life of me figure out why Christian Ponder was still in the game in the second half. He sucks. Will they see it? Were the Vikings trying him out in case he played well for some trade bait? If they were, they collectively fell on their faces. They were never close, even if a few garbage time touchdowns made the score closer than it was.
Seattle – 14 St. Louis - 9
Who ever would have thought this game would come down to the last play? The Rams actually looked like a real team Monday night. They ran the ball well, the defense played great, getting after Russell Wilson all night, sacking him 7 times. (3 each from Quinn and Long) The offenses for each team didn’t produce much, however, and St. Louis fell one play short from stealing one from the Seahawks. Pete Carroll was chomping his gum extra hard down the stretch, wondering how he let his team almost get beat by the lowly Rams. I’m sure he’ll find someone in the locker room to give him a paw jigger to calm his nerves.
“Well You Didn’t Make a Lick of Difference” Performance of the Week:
Willis McGahee – RB – Cleveland Browns
9 carries 28 yards 0 TD
McGahee was supposed to ease the loss of Trent Richardson. All he’s doing is easing himself into early retirement.
“Holy Crap, I’m Awesome!???” Breakout Performance of the week:
We all knew Megatron was awesome, so this week the award goes to
Andre Ellington – RB – Arizona Cardinals
15 carries, 154 yards, 1 TD
2 catches, 8 yards
Ellington is a 6th round rookie out of Clemson drafted 187th this year. This single game performance is better than game performances from Eddie Lacy, Montee Ball, Giovanni Bernard, Jonathan Franklin, and a few others drafted before him.